Happiness is the Starting Point!
“there is no path to happiness, happiness is the path” Thích Nhất Hạnh
Probably our current lives (2019) are considered beyond ultimate happiness in the eyes of somebody living in the 18th century. On the other hand, life in the 23rd century will be far beyond the way we define happiness today. The question is, can we step up our ambitions and speed up our progress so that we already achieve such state in this century? I belief we can, at least if we a.) can get a common understanding on what we mean with happiness and b.) if we can agree that this should be the primary concern in any decision-making. This story is about happiness, moreover the concept of sustainable happiness. In my view an universal and compatible definition and who can be against happiness for all? Let’s explore and hope it will inspire to step up our ambitions and potential as humans!
Facing the Bigger Questions in Life!
The quest to live a ‘happy’ and ‘fulfilling’ life is probably as notorious as the search for men’s ‘meaning’ of life. Luckily they are closely related and therefore whatever quest somebody is on, it is never a waste of time. Nevertheless, most of the people, let’s say the vast majority, is occupied by the ongoing rat race and barely (if at all) scratches the surface to figure out and let alone understand the quest. Moreover, the rat race a.k.a. western society is powered by fear and, whether we like it or not, is driven by ego and materialistic dreams.
Only few are able to break loose from this race, stand still for a moment and follow their passion, purpose and dreams. Few are able to understand the concept of sustainable happiness and even fewer are able to put this concept into practice for themselves (or others). It is embarrassing that many people, anno 2019, are not fortunate and not privileged to understand nor live a happy life, let alone a “sustainable” happy life! However, the fact you are reading this story is good news, not only do I wish you “sustainable happiness”, I welcome you to join the rebellion in making it the norm for society!
Throughout my whole life I was overly interested in- and curious about psychology, art, sociology, history and culture. Nonetheless, at least until my studies I wouldn’t even dare to call it this way, I just liked talking to everyone about everything, I was a bit like everyone’s friend and the positive boy around. My upbringing was in a very stable, rational, down-to-earth and pretty straightforward place (south of Netherlands). Reading, writing, doing tests under time pressure and remembering details from textbooks weren’t really my strengths, I was more about comics, drawing, music, visuals, socializing and playing. Nevertheless, being from such down-to-earth place and a product of the 80ties (you probably will hear me say that a lot), I made the obvious and secure choices which would give me most certainty to reach a “happy” life – let’s say choices that secured me a good and well-paying job!
But despite my steady studies in marketing, business and entrepreneurship, somehow I always ended up philosophizing about happiness and the meaning of life during backpacking trips, birthday parties, lunch, dates, network drinks or whatever meet-up you can imagine. Only in the last decades I came to the realization that I had an extraordinary (almost obsessive) interest in the quest of happiness and the meaning of life. I wondered, what does happiness actually mean, can we all be happy and how could we achieve this? And while in many cases my conversation counterpart already felt like moving on the next (more down-to-earth topic) like, I just felt like sticking to the topic forever
Moreover, speaking about it makes the fire of passion light up in me, sometimes the fire even gets a bit out of control but this fire (passion) is the driver of my life. And recently I made my passion and vision a number one priority! I finally took that moment to stand still, put my mind to the subject and I joined the fortunate minority whom are privileged to live a free-thinking, -creating and -spirited life for a while. Hence how the story in front of you came about and hence how “happiness” is the epic center of it all!
The good news, I see and feel the minority of privileged that can take that moment (if they dare or want to) is rapidly growing and rejuvenating. It is evidence that overall society is incrementally progressing towards a world in which everybody dares to confront themselves and others with the ‘bigger questions’ in life. The ‘bigger questions’ their leaders, coaches and supervisors preferred to avoid until a life-crisis, retirement or dead arrived at their doorstep. Or worse and sadly more realistic, they probably never confronted nor figured out the big questions in life (for themselves) and just lived and decorated life as it came driven by short term materialistic goals. A job, a house, a car, a TV, a holiday, a diner, a party, a cool outfit, a new house, a new car, a new TV, a fancier holiday, a fancier party and a cooler new outfit.
History Repeats!
And that is directly the bad news, since naturally and against once’s better judgement, the boardrooms and management teams are now dominated by the ‘older’ generations! Now this ‘older’ generation manages, controls and governs society in a way they “know”, feels comfortable and which they deem to be righteous. After all, it is perfectly in line with their “materialistic” ideals from the eighties and nighties when they were young. And definitely compared to their supervisors, managers and (grand)parents’ ideals it is better and more righteous, no doubt about it!
And while they fought for their ideals, they became the new front of supervisors, leaders, managers and parents now standing on the other side. Instead of accelerating and trusting the new generation, they don’t understand (nor agree with) the naive and foreign ideas from these inexperienced and unwitting youngster (they once were). Hence how novel ideas and visions from the new younger generations gets thwarted and how progression gets stagnated.
The older generation might preach to do it for a better world, at the same time they are far too scary that the world changes too much, too reckless, too quickly and too far out of their “hard-earned” comfort zones. In fact, they don’t understand the mentality of the youngster, moreover what will the world end up like and (out of fear) how can we avoid or stop youth to screw up the world they worked so hard for with blood, sweat and tears! Hence the friction of those two opposite views and how it makes society evolve far slower and incremental than youngsters desire, understand, feel and wish to evolve it.
But apart from the above dramatized situation, the rule of thumb is still that most youngster belief and comply to the advice of elders or in other words, their “bosses”. They simply belief and accept that they are the naive, inexperienced and untrained ones yet, that things are the way they are for a reason. And especially when these eager youngsters run (and eventually walk) around in the more “traditional” organizations[2], they adapt and are programmed to think alike. And so another generation is condemned to replicate “traditional” thinking onto the next ones since meanwhile they are convinced (indoctrinated) that it simply won’t work differently (and all the above, when they eventually become the elder).
[2] In short, you recognize them when economic target (as opposed to social) and formal hierarchies (as opposed to informal egalitarian structures) are in place. More about social enterprises later!
Against all odds!
On the bright side, more organizations are becoming social (see chapter XX) and more young individuals dare to follow their passion, talents and purposes. Against all odds of western society’s concept of success, they choose fulfillment, satisfaction and social impact over salary, bonuses, status and power. Why they choose against all odds? Having faced the bigger questions in life, they realize that an ego-driven life(style) will never lead to sustainable happiness. Nowadays young professionals in their twenties or thirties roughly find themselves in one of the following scenario’s:
Scenario 1 (Reactive): So, the most common and likely scenario (let’s say scene 1) is that you stay put (in the comfort zone) as long as you can, either convincing yourself and everybody else you are doing great while decorating your life with photos, stuff and events to back your story. Or making solid excuses to be where you are and not be somewhere you once dreamed to be. In both cases you (eventually) accept things as they are. In this scenario (standard mode) there are roughly two sub-scenarios.
Either (scene 1a) you fully accept life as it is and although the occasional complaining you just go on to sustain the comfort zone. In this scenario mostly the constellation of a family (including kids) will provide a clear purpose and main priority in life which heavily compensates the unaligned “professional” life[3]. This is great for you, unless incompatibility suddenly erupts (once again) throwing you into another path.
Another path (scene 1b) in which you fully accept life as it is but eventually the occasional complaining becomes permanent accompanied with a lot of distress. Your incompatibility in what you deeply feel and belief as opposed to how you live your life and what you are doing becomes untenable. Unfortunately in this scenario you will find yourself exhausted, uninspired, stressed, overworked, confused, depressed or burned-out! On the bright side, this might be your wake-up call to move you to scenario 2.
[3] Since this sentence will most probably be misunderstood and put out of context. For the record, I don’t say that people take children (or should take children) to compensate their unhappiness. I do say that for some (or even a lot) of people it does bring that happiness, meaning and purpose in their life which was missing, which in itself is a good thing! Lastly, having children is everybody’s own choice (or I hope it is), I have nothing against it and in all scenarios I sketch, it is equally ok whatever you do!
Scenario 2 (Proactive): Another uncommon and less-likely scenario (scene 2) is that you decide to change and fix your incompatibility! In other words, you’re going to get out of your comfort zone in an attempt to fully align your life(style) with your passion, purpose and dreams! It mostly surprises your surrounding and in particular your parents (warning: whom might get a heart-attack) cause it doesn’t match their expectations. For them (from the outside) it feels like an illogical and blunt move against all odds! But also in this scenario (personal mode) there are roughly two sub-scenarios.
In one path (scene 2a – Proactive) you might soon realize that breaking loose from the ordinary doesn’t go overnight and without a struggle since society rather wants you to comply. In fact, continuously people project their own uncertainties on you in a subtle way. You start doubting whether it was a wise choice, whether you have not unnecessarily thrown away moreover appreciated your comfort zone. This vicious circle of anxiety might increase and make you very uncertain as opposed how you felt when you were so confident making this change. Now you at the brink of stepping into one of the 3 remaining paths, 1a, 1b or hopefully 2b.
Ultimately, my favorite path (2b) is that you have figured out what makes you happy (which might be something totally different from what provides you a lot of money, possessions, status, power, comfort or influence). You set your sails to this personal vision driven by your passion. Life might (currently) not be as comfortable as in scenario 1 and encounter obstacles but at least everything feels right, you are more energized, satisfied, meaningful, passionate, grateful, inspired and happy!
Obviously reality is probably a mixture of the above 4 scenes and depends on the phase in life you are. But in whatever paths you find yourself in, there is no judgement here about being right or wrong, everybody should live their life as they please, desire and are capable of. I understand that pursuing sustainable happiness is not easy and a risky business against all odds after all!
The starting point!
And yet we are surprised why depressions and burn-outs have become a major and increasing concern in developed countries? In my view, if society really focuses and promotes happiness for everyone – and in contrast, makes money, status, power and all ego-driven pursuits less important – substantially less people get depressed and burned-out!
The starting point to achieve this is to make sure we, you and everyone (as early as possible in life) understands the concept of sustainable happiness in order to facilitate, support and inspire others but especially help themselves. Because after all, despite (un)favorable conditions, the only person that can be held responsible for your happiness is yourself.
And once again, not the “materialistic” kind of happiness where you buy yourself short-term shots of happiness because you work hard and want to play hard because you only live once. I refer to a lifestyle in which you follow your passion, purpose and dreams! A lifestyle in which you are aware to give attention to all factors that matter, one that is resilient to the inevitable setbacks in life. I don’t claim you have to be holier-than-thou, in contrast, even guilty pleasures are important once in a while, just make sure these external factors are not the basis of your happiness.
In short, to conclude this elaborate prelude: a.) the world would be a better place if we could all agree that “happiness for all” is the main goal and b.) if we have decided that, we should be on the same page and have a clear understanding of happiness or I should say “sustainable happiness”. The following stories provide background, context and a thorough definition of “sustainable happiness” which should be the starting point of any leader!
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